Mental health is a pervasive issue that affects families and individuals across the U.S., including the Asian American demographic. However, studies over the years have shown that Asian Americans are more unlikely to seek help for their mental health issues than others.
Roy Kim, a licensed marriage and family therapist with a private practice in Fullerton, CA, had been serving as an ordained pastor in the KPCA (Korean Presbyterian Church Abroad), until he realized that more than any other aspect of pastoring, he enjoyed counseling the most, and decided to commit to counseling full-time. As a Korean American therapist who is also ordained as a pastor, he said he hopes to reach the niche of Korean Americans who might otherwise be uncomfortable seeking out help for mental health.
But, currently, most of his clients are not Korean Americans.
"The problem is, Korean American Christians don't want to see a counselor," said Kim.
There are several factors that may hinder Korean American Christians from seeking counseling or therapy, Kim said. One of those might be the culture of shame and honor among Asian Americans.
"I don't think Korean Americans want anyone to know that they are having trouble, or that they are seeing a counselor, first off," he explained. "Shame is so ingrained in Koreans. You take a look at the great lengths that Koreans would go to not be shamed. If you go to a Korean church, they don't really share much about anything embarrassing about themselves, and they feel this need to put up a good image."
"I think Koreans would rather suffer internally, in-house, than seek out a therapist and be known as someone who needs help," Kim said.
Roy Kim is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a private practice in Fullerton, CA.
Another aspect that might hinder Korean American Christians from seeking help is that many people might not consider their mental health issues as a "big deal" to begin with, Kim said, and this might cause smaller issues that would be easily solved to evolve into more serious problems.
"It would be great if someone could advocate for themselves and seek out a pastor or counselor to stop themselves from going into full-blown depression," he said. "Most people don't think it's a big deal, and there are some people who even think they deserve it. They think of themselves as a bad Christian or a bad son."
Even as a pastor, Kim said that not many people approached him for counseling unless it was a major crisis.
One of the ways that Korean Americans could be encouraged to improve mental health is to emphasize the necessity of maintaining mental health within the community and the church, Kim said.
"[In a church context,] I think it starts with the pastor, because my guess is that most congregation members trust and follow the lead of the pastor," he said.
"If a pastor were to say something like, 'I endorse increasing our mental health,' and giving the reasons for it, that as human beings, we're not just spiritual beings, but we're also mental, physical, and emotional, and having some increased health in all of those areas is a responsibility we have as God's people. And if he were to put his money where his mouth is -- let's say, by setting aside a portion of money out of the yearly church budget for those who would like to receive outside counseling -- that would show the priorities of the church are in missions, and outreach, as well as the health of its congregation. And if a pastor went so far as to say, 'And I want to be the first to increase my mental health,' others would feel safe to seek out help as well."
Kim explained that he would "love to see pastors," particularly because there are a number of issues specific to pastors that affect their mental health. One major issue is that many pastors seem to be on "a quest to have a successful church," or to be "seen as a successful pastor, or even to be seen not as a failure." As a leader of a church and a speaker at the pulpit, pastors face tremendous pressure.
"A lot of times, pastors end up realizing too late that they're burning out. 'I'm wearing too many hats,' 'I'm becoming irritable even to my congregation members,' 'I feel so burdened by the church's expectations,' -- all of these are common issues for a pastor to go through," Kim said. "It would be wonderful to be a safe place for them to see where these issues come from."
"Another thing that churches could do," Kim said regarding other ways to encourage people to improve mental health, "is to invite therapists and counselors and experts who are trained in parenting or communication for workshops. These would be a nice addition to Bible studies and other programs that the church offers, and would make maintaining mental health more approachable and available to them."
Indeed, most of the issues that couples and families bring to Kim involve problems related to communication, or a lack thereof.
"For couples, they would say things like, 'Our conversations always tend to end up in arguments,' or 'No matter how hard I try to explain something, I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall, or I'm getting an extreme reaction that my comment shouldn't warrant.' These are examples of things that have probably been going on for a while," said Kim. "For families, many parents come in because their child is acting out, or they're concerned the child is getting into drugs, or hanging out with the wrong crowd. Or conversations go south with their child."
For individuals, however, the issues they seek him for are diverse, but there are some warning signs that show that an individual should seek help. Some of those warning signs include mentions of death or ending one's life; withdrawing from people; and no longer enjoying what he or she once used to enjoy. If he or she feels uncomfortable seeking a counselor or therapist, Kim recommended that a friend goes alongside him or her, and perhaps read a good book together. He also recommended the individual see a doctor first to check if there are any hormonal issues that may be affecting his or her emotional or mental well-being.
"I'm hoping that [the culture] will change over time," Kim said. "I want to help people to see what they are wanting for themselves, and help them work towards that self-realized goal. That goes a long way in long-term health -- being more self-assured, and also humbling yourself to seek help instead of thinking you're self-sufficient."
